For some people, writing Christmas cards is a moment of peace: a cup of something warm, a cosy chair and a stack of a cards, some of them especially selected for the ones you love most. But this year, you may feel at a loss as you find yourself with one less card to write.
If you’ve ever sat staring at a blank card wondering how you’re meant to be “merry and bright” when you feel anything but, please remember: you’re not doing Christmas wrong. You’re doing your best.
Grief doesn’t take a break over the festive season, and it definitely doesn’t care that it’s National Christmas Card Day.
The pressure to ‘keep things the same’
Traditions can feel comforting, until they don’t. Many people tell us they feel guilty changing their normal Christmas routine after a bereavement, including whether or not they send cards or wondering if they should still sign their loved ones name? As with so many worries grief brings, there truly isn’t a right answer, there’s only what feels right for you.
When Christmas cards feel complicated
Sometimes it isn’t the writing of cards, it’s the receiving of them. Seeing a loved one’s name missing from the envelope. Or maybe people avoid mentioning your loss altogether, which can feel even worse.
Remembering someone in your Christmas traditions
This time of year can still hold moments of connection with the people we miss. That’s why our Remembrance Tree tags have become such a meaningful part of December for many families.
Every year, we invite anyone who’s grieving or missing someone to write the name of their loved one on a tag and hang it on our Remembrance Tree. It’s a simple act, but it means so much, a quiet moment to breathe, to reflect, to say their name, write their name, and to know they’re remembered.
Some people find it eases the guilt of not sending as many cards.
Others use the tag as their “message for Christmas” to the person they’ve lost.
And some bring their children to write or decorate a tag, giving them a gentle way to understand remembrance too.
If you can’t make it into our Marston Green or Tile Hill funeral home, then you can follow the link below and we will write your message for you then take a photo of your tag and email it to you, just as Kirsty is doing here:
Christmas Remembrance Messages – Franklin & Hawkins Funeral Directors
If you’re supporting someone who’s grieving
A Christmas card can be a powerful kindness. If you know someone facing their first Christmas without a loved one, don’t be afraid to acknowledge it. It’s simple, honest, and holds space for whatever they’re feeling.
Wherever you find yourself this Christmas…
There’s no “right way” to do Christmas while grieving. And never feel guilty for doing the bits you can and having a break from the bits you can’t.
And if writing cards feels too heavy this year, let that weight go. Your heart is doing enough. If you’d like to add a tag to our Remembrance Tree, pop into either of our funeral homes anytime, or fill in the form on our website, we’d love to help you honour someone special.
And if this Christmas does feel incredibly difficult and you would benefit from some extra support, Sue Ryder has written a wonderful piece on grief and how to find the support you may need on their website – Coping with grief at Christmas | Sue Ryder
